Holding lightly

Well, what do you get when you have a 13-month-old with a nasty cold and 8 teeth coming in at once? Tired. Also, you get to not speak on the panel discussion because you have some compassion for your husband and a fear of getting a plugged duct, since your baby hasn't been nursing very well these days, either.

So I didn't speak on the panel after all. And I need to remind myself that God is in charge, He certainly knew that I was planning to speak on that panel, etc. There must have been a reason for me to be home instead of speaking.

One reason might be that I got the chance to spend a relatively quiet evening with my husband, doing some meal planning, talking, and enjoying the fact that our little one was sleeping more than 15 or 30 minutes at a time. That was nice.

I am a planner. I like to plan out fun stuff to do, meals, days, weeks, chores, vacations, etc. I don't know why, but it is just fun for me to plan. And I enjoy doing the things I've planned, too, most of the time. Now that I've had a bit of practice with planning things with children, I am much better at not overplanning where the kids are concerned. I planned too much on our trip to Houston and the kids both objected violently -- in their own ways. So I'm learning.

But the thing that's somewhat difficult is to give up the plans. Like the panel. And although I'm even getting better at giving up the plans -- although not terribly great at it yet! -- I still like to plan things. And sometimes even that has to go. My husband, my children, and I all need quiet times when we don't have plans. Not just that we cancel plans, but that we don't have plans. Or have vague plans, like: if it's a nice day, we'll go outside. If not, we'll play indoors.

It is so difficult to hold things lightly, and it seems that, right now at least, it is hardest for me to hold my time lightly, to be ready to give it up to what is necessary, and especially to realize in the first place that it's not really mine at all. And I need to remember that, and not spend it all before I get it.

A well-formed conscience

I'm going to be on a panel discussion next Wednesday about decision-making for Catholics. I have 7 minutes to present on "pro-creation issues" -- most especially contraception -- and then I will take questions. 7 minutes. What to say in 7 minutes.

The tricky part of this discussion is that on most pro-creation issues (sex before marriage, contraception, abortion, IVF), Catholic teaching is quite clear. It's not hard to find the teaching, it's not hard to understand what the Church is saying, and it's not hard to tell whether it applies to your situation. The tricky parts come in once you've accepted the basic teaching and are trying to live it out -- how to date in a secular world with Catholic ideas about these things, how to decide if now is a good time or not to have a baby, etc. However, I think that most people are still at the phase wherein they're trying to decide about whether to follow Church teaching on these issues -- or trying to talk to others about them -- so that's what I'd like to primarily address. And 7 minutes isn't going to be long enough to cover much more.

The beauty of the teaching is what I'd like to get across. I could open up with saying that it's not a terribly moral dilemma because Church teaching is clear, so let's move on to more exciting moral dilemmae, such as how to decide if you should have another baby at this point. But I don't think that will win friends, and I also don't think that it will get at what most people need to hear.

So I'm going to try to come up with a 7-minute talk that doesn't make me sound like too much of a cheerleader but in which Church teaching comes across as the sane and beautiful message that it is. Please pray for me.

The benefits of lack of sleep

This isn't a post you're going to find in a health magazine, because I will freely admit that physical health isn't really one of the benefits of lack of sleep. There you will find out why you must get at least 8 hours a night. Little do the authors know that I would love 8 hours straight of sleep. Given the option, I'd go for 9 or 10, even -- this sounds like a recipe for paradisical living!

However, there are some benefits of lack of sleep that bear mentioning. Especially to those who aren't getting 8 hours straight. The main benefits, should one choose to take advantage of them, are spiritual.

First, one gets the chance to make a large sacrifice for one's family: getting up with the alarm. I believe that there needs to be no more said on that point.

Second, one needs to pray most fervently that today go okay. Because one realizes on this day, even if this has never occured to one before, that one cannot do this alone. Especially since one is not a caffeine drinker and one will be fighting heavy eyelids and slower thinking all day.

Third, one has many occasions for humility throughout the day: one cannot finish housework as one would like; one cannot remember a darn thing that one promised oneself to remember for today; one barks at one's children for minor offences and then realizes that one is completely out -of-line...The list could go on.

Once one has faced the humility lessons for the day, one gets more motivated to practice other virtues: patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, etc, in an effort not to be too overloaded with humility.

So as the day progresses, one is brought to thankfulness for the lack of sleep, as there are so many obvious spiritual blessings emanating from it. But one also prays for better sleep tonight. Because even though God can bring good out of anything, it's not easy to be chronically tired. And one might even remember to get Motrin at the store in an attempt to help the teething baby facilitate one's sleep.

Conformity with the will of God

Michael: It's hard to believe that someday our girls will be teenagers.

Hannah: I'm not going to be a teenager, Dada, I'm going to be whatever God calls me to be.

(Her parents sit quietly, bemused at their sweet daughter.)

Hannah: Maybe a garbage woman. Where do you buy a garbage truck?

Finishing school

I always thought it was so cool that John Paul II called the family a school of virtue. Before I got married and had kids, I pictured teaching my children virtue, helping their little souls get off to the right start. It was exciting to think about.

Once I had my first daughter, though, I realized how wrong I was. Sure, one day I'd be teaching her virtue, but this school was going to be my finishing school. And I don't mean as in a six-week course on how to walk with a book on one's head, I mean finishing -- helping finish my trip to (hopefully) Heaven. And I have a long way to go, so this is going to be a tough school of virtue for me.

Priorities

Thank God for good friends. Yesterday and today we had visits from good friends during the day, and I have to admit that I found myself looking around my house, thinking, "I'm inviting people to come here, where there's obviously so much to do? What am I thinking?"

However, can you believe it, neither of them asked me why I live in squalor, nor did they leave just moments after arriving because they couldn't stand being here.

And I need to remember that building friendships is so important for me and for the friends I'm building the friendships with. God will not be asking me how clean my house was come Judgment Day. And it would be most terrible if my children learned the lesson that housework is more important than people.

The irony here is that I don't love housework -- I just like it to be done so that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

There will be housework always, but our friends we do not always have with us...

Dealing with Irritability: An Immersion Course

Today, my 13-month old screamed whenever her will was crossed. Screamed. It was a very trying day, because 13-month-old wills get crossed often if one wants to keep them and one's things safe. I was terribly relieved when she settled down to dig dirt out of the 1/2 wine barrel with herbs planted in it on our deck. She was happy to get herself completely filthy and enjoy being outside for half an hour. Then I had to bring her inside, take off her outfit, change her diaper, put her in new clothes, and put her down for a nap. It was not a pretty picture.

To be fair, she was much better after her nap, until about half an hour before I put her to bed. But MAN does that screaming wear on my nerves. At one point I told her older sister Hannah to leave her alone (I was in the kitchen and the screaming began again), only to be told that she wasn't anywhere near Naomi -- she was just screaming for kicks. Ugh.

So I was *very* glad to get her to bed tonight, and I hope she's better tomorrow. Because I did okay dealing with the screaming today, and I'll pray for the patience to deal with it tomorrow, if that's what happens, but I'm not anywhere near the level of sanctity where I ask for trials or suffering.

Hey, though, that's okay, because here at the School of Virtue, you don't have to ask. That's God's plan, since he knows that people like me would get almost nowhere if we had to ask for lessons in virture. He provides us with the best teachers in the world and then stands by for the cries for help that are sure to rise to Him once his teachers get to work.

Luckily for them, the teachers are soft, pudgy, and do all kinds of cute things, like learn to sign "I love you," and then sign it to you all the time.

Perseverance

is really a great virtue for mothers, homemakers, anyone who does the same thing over and over. Like laundry. And when I get a moment -- after folding the laundry -- I'll post the picture I took of the mountain of laundry that I had today. I opted for time in the garden instead of time with the laundry. Hey, in the Pacific Northwest, you take advantage of the sunny days.

Plus, you can't practice perseverance if you're never behind in anything. I think I'll have made huge strides in virtue by the time I go to bed tonight...

Kindness

If you need a dose of humility, try reading The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik. I have been working on it in small increments for several months now -- small, because I seem to need small doses of humility, or I get discouraged. This book is definitely not for the faint of heart! Perhaps that's why I'm taking it slowly -- courage of heart is a tough virtue to come up with. It's quite unnerving to come face to face, on the pages of a book, with vices and difficulties from your everyday life and be told, in no uncertain terms, that these vices must be rooted out -- NOW!

For all that, Lovasik is a very gentle writer. He's much more of an exhorter than an accuser, which is good, since the bruised reed is very easily broken by harsh words. But he doesn't have patience for excuses for vice, and it seems he's heard them: "You will say that your irritability is caused by your nerves, high or low blood pressure, insomnia, indigestion, or worries and responsibilities. All such excuses are usually a false front. Irritability is a a lack of self-control, an inability to subject your feelings to the demands of charity."

See what I mean? Basically: "Don't you be telling me that you didn't get lunch so you can't be kind to your kids! It's merely lack of self-control on your part."

Difficult, but refreshing, too. It does get old to have the same vices, excuses, and problems day after day. It's nice to have someone tell you that God's grace is going to get you through it, but you've got to do your part, too. It's good to have a reminder that something can be done about it.