Well, what do you get when you have a 13-month-old with a nasty cold and 8 teeth coming in at once? Tired. Also, you get to not speak on the panel discussion because you have some compassion for your husband and a fear of getting a plugged duct, since your baby hasn't been nursing very well these days, either.
So I didn't speak on the panel after all. And I need to remind myself that God is in charge, He certainly knew that I was planning to speak on that panel, etc. There must have been a reason for me to be home instead of speaking.
One reason might be that I got the chance to spend a relatively quiet evening with my husband, doing some meal planning, talking, and enjoying the fact that our little one was sleeping more than 15 or 30 minutes at a time. That was nice.
I am a planner. I like to plan out fun stuff to do, meals, days, weeks, chores, vacations, etc. I don't know why, but it is just fun for me to plan. And I enjoy doing the things I've planned, too, most of the time. Now that I've had a bit of practice with planning things with children, I am much better at not overplanning where the kids are concerned. I planned too much on our trip to Houston and the kids both objected violently -- in their own ways. So I'm learning.
But the thing that's somewhat difficult is to give up the plans. Like the panel. And although I'm even getting better at giving up the plans -- although not terribly great at it yet! -- I still like to plan things. And sometimes even that has to go. My husband, my children, and I all need quiet times when we don't have plans. Not just that we cancel plans, but that we don't have plans. Or have vague plans, like: if it's a nice day, we'll go outside. If not, we'll play indoors.
It is so difficult to hold things lightly, and it seems that, right now at least, it is hardest for me to hold my time lightly, to be ready to give it up to what is necessary, and especially to realize in the first place that it's not really mine at all. And I need to remember that, and not spend it all before I get it.
